its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
