That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
