we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
