im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
