My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
