She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
