So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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