He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
