dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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