the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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