Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
