I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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