just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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