her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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