ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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