Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
