It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
