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this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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