I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
