she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
