i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
