why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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