why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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