He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
