I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
