No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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