I met the friendliest cop last night
honey bunches of taint.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
