playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so let's talk penis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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