I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't turn off my feet"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
