not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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