So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this just has baby written all over it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
