you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
