Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
