drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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