eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
