I faked an abortion last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
