My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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