fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
