You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
