insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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