i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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