the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
