I'm sorry my penis didn't work
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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