Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
