Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
