considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Floor bacon is actually really good
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
