I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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