FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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