Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
