I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
