You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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